Pondering … Relationships

Relationships can be so difficult. While witnessing some interesting interactions between people, I began putting thoughts and questions down on paper. Ponder this …

No two people and no two relationships are ever the same; intellectually we know, understand and accept these facts. Parents look at their children (regardless of how old their children may be) and make comments about how their children are ‘just like … ‘ the mother, the father, or some other familiar person. But the children never are ‘just like … ‘; no, they are this unique and complex mixture of spirit and ego of their own creation. Yet, we are guilty of layering onto another our own interpretation, perception and judgment of someone else’s behaviors, attitudes and nuances. Instead of seeing the person for their very own uniqueness, we try to categorize what we are interpreting and putting it all into a neat little package for our own understanding.

This is true with relationships as well. We see two people together and begin categorizing whether this is a good relationship or not. Comments like … ‘what a great couple’, ‘they look so cute together’, ‘they get along so well’, or ‘s/he could do better’ immediately smacks of perceptual judgment.

People young and old struggle with the question ‘what makes a good relationship’; whether you are looking for a close friend or partner. Think about each of your relationships and ask yourself these questions …

  • Does the other person help you feel better about yourself?
  • Does being with the other person seem to bring out ‘the best in you’?
  • Does the other person support you in all your hopes and dreams?
  • Does this person encourage your growth and expansion, even if it is counter to their own?
  • Is this person able to bring to the relationship a greater dimension of happiness, peace, comfort and harmony?
  • Does this person often leave you feeling flat, dejected, saddened, or deflated?
  • Do you feel less positive about yourself, your dreams, your goals or your aspirations?
  • Are you spending equal time supporting each other, or is more time and attention being focused in only one direction?
  • Are you both honest with each other? If not, what’s that say about the overall health of the relationship?
  • If the relationship today is the best it will ever be, is it enough?
  • What is your vested interest in the relationship?
  • What do you believe is the vested interest of the other person in the relationship?
  • Is the relationship all consuming, or is there space for both of you to explore external friends and interests?
  • What have you set aside in your life for this relationship?
    • Do you miss it?
    • Do you want it back?
    • Was it a good decision for YOU?
  • Does this relationship honor your life priorities?

Now … how many of your relationships are good, constructive, beneficial and worthy of your time and energy?

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